Circle of Life Curricula: Learn, Unlearn and Relearn

TEDx Talk delivered on 30th October 2016 at the University of Namibia School of Medicine and Pharmacy.

The circle of life comes with an unwritten curriculum made up of three modules i.e. learning, unlearning and relearning. As we go through life we need to effectively manage our personal relationships, our professional lives and our business operations through learning, unlearning and relearning continuously, so as not to deny ourselves a gift to develop and a sense of self-realization.

Like most children, I was always getting into trouble, at times even taking advantage of others and mocking even the elderly or those I would think didn’t demand my respect. My mother would discipline me, then read me a Bible story that spoke to the situation. This picture should not indicate that I was an abused child, but that I was disciplined when I lost the way –

This incident taught me the spirit of Ubuntu, to respect adults, and never look down on anyone. I learned that we depended on meme Nakashwa as much as she depended on us and that Meme Nakashwa was part of our circle and we needed to safeguard our relations with her because we all depended on each other.

At the beginning of my career, I went on to work as a Social Worker in the Osire refugee camp which is located in north-central Namibia, the Osire refugee camp a settlement of refugees hosted by Namibia from more than 14 countries at the time including DRC Congo, Rwanda, Burundi, Angola, Somalia among others.

Before taking up the job I was taken to the cap for a week to see if I could cope working in that setting. During this week of orientation I was told all sort of bad the things about the refugees, they lie too much, they are desperate, they are aggressive, they are desperate, they are witches, and they steal all the bad things humanly imaginative. So I came back the next week and reported for duty.

First day officially on duty I walk to the community Centre where my office was and there were more than 17 clients waiting for to see the new social worker. I passed by them greeting them with the usual unserious greeting because I had judgemental lenses on.

I realized it was not fair for me to see any client before I deal with this negativity planted in me.  So I called my mentor for guidance and again she told me that unless if I am willing to unlearn all unflavoured perspectives that I was told, I was not fit and proper to do community development work in that refugee camp. She told me to return to the city to the unfilled position I left before I cause damage.

It is in that moment that I objectively unlearned about what I was fed with a week ago.

• I unlearned and I dropped my judgemental tone.
• I unlearned the selfish spirit I had walked into the office with.
• I unlearned the methodology I had derived to dealing with refugees,
• And I remembered the great lessons from the first module about respect for humanity.

There was no written curriculum to guide me on this. I depended on the unpenned, un-inked Circle of Life curricula.

Without a doubt, unlearning is the toughest module in this curriculum of the circle of life, it’s as if trying to change the river flow especially for deep-rooted unflavoured lessons, knowledge, and practices we are accustomed to. It is vital that we unlearn some of the harmful perspectives and the unfitting practices and to terminate our unflavoured knowledge.

By unlearning we allow ourselves to dismiss what we thought was correct but actually incorrect at present moment and thus opening up ourselves for opportunities we had unsuspectingly planned to miss. I was the longest-serving Social Worker in this camp. A lot of those who refuse to unlearn are those that are

• hard to forgive
• that exaggerate their situations,
• The most traditional
• The most routine based and
• hard to accept change

While serving the refugee commission, studying became my coping mechanism so I decided to study commerce with concentration. I learned topics such as profit maximisation, new venture planning, risk analysis, market analysis, and corporate governance among others.  Through this I stumbled upon a case study on the downfall of Nokia, then it appeared to me that the circle of life curricula not only apply to us as human beings, it covers areas of business operations too.

Nokia failed because they did not:

• Relearn on how to reboot their operations through continuous market analysis
• They failed to acknowledge the market threats and they continued to produce products that are no longer market relevant.
• Failed to collaborate with mobile service providers for their phones to be offered o packages
• Used an outdated operating system, that compromised the security of users
• As a pioneer in smartphones Nokia because comfortable and did continuously re-learn on how to remain relevant by keeping up with market needs.

In 2013 Nokia CEO concluded one of his speech stating that “We didn’t do anything wrong, but they still failed”. To me, that’s a flying shame as they still fail to acknowledge the harsh lessons they learned and the harsh slaps they got from the circle of life.

The applicability of this module “re-learn” is important so as to help us in rational decisions and people who find opportunities in changing environments are those that are actively looking for them.

In most cases, our past success becomes the greatest blockage to our future success. We learn some knowledge, apply it and it works for us once or twice and we get stuck with it safeguarding it with all our egos thinking it was all there as to learn.  Nokia failed to drop their egoistic pride of their past success and their business fall out of the circle of their trade. Learn, unlearn and relearn.

Andragogy experts estimate that up to 40% of what tertiary students are learning will be obsolete a decade from now when they will be working in jobs that have yet to be created. And thus the importance of relearning. (Margie Warrell, February 2014: http://www.forbes.com/)

We are all connected in this circle of life and we should hold this circle with care be it is in business or personal relationships. The slaps that come due to our actions or inactions can be unbearable. The Sacred Circle of Life curricula teaches us we are all part of each other;

There is an uncontested need to take an examined positions in this great circle of life by constantly learning, unlearning, and relearning as these are our enablers to reboot ourselves, rephrase ourselves and tailor make our actions in order to safeguard our relations and our business interests.

And as philosopher Sir Alvin Toffler once said: “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.”

 

 

 

Knock Knock, I am A refugee Let me in.

Knock.
Knock.

Hearing knocking on your door, would you open the door of your society to let them in? Through the peak hole you look. You see different people. Would you be picky about whom you will let in?

A doctor comes. Probably yes? He would bring in expertise and service for you countrymen. You open the door then you close it again. A researcher comes. Maybe yes? Another professional would benefit the country. Once again, the door opens and closes. New flash: A foreign professional has committed a murder. Oh no. But you sweep that thought out of your brain. Professionals are mature thinking people who seek to bring good to all societies. This professional is just one lunatic among all of them, just one black sheep.

Then, you continue to let foreign professionals in.

Then comes an ordinary adult. You pause. Would he bring any benefit to my society? Would he bring harm? You ponder. Well, I guess help one person shouldn’t hurt. Slam goes the door as it opens and closes. More ordinary adults come. As more and more come, you hesitate longer and longer before letting them in, pondering if this would eventually become a burden. Children come. Young children come. You look at them, you pity them, having to live such sad childhoods. Open goes the door, as you embrace these pitiful children.

A shabbily dressed person comes. You hesitate. He seems to be jobless. He probably would not contribute to your country’s workforce. Maybe just this one time, you think. You open the door. More shabbily dressed people and refugees arrive at your doorstep. You open the door to them. When it reached the tenth, you pause. Should I continue to let them in?

New flash: a refugee accepted into your country has committed a murder. Upon hearing the news, you are filled with anger. Despite your kindness, this is what you receive. Your suspicion towards refugees increases. Perhaps it just like what others say, refugees just take our kindness for granted and will just bring trouble to your country. They will steal your jobs. They will commit crimes. They will bomb your city. As these thoughts swim through your brain, you shut and lock the door tightly.

Osire refugee camp in Namibia

You never open your door to people who seemed like refugees ever again. You viewed refugees around you with suspicion. You shun away from them.

Why? Why won’t you let them in?

Just because of the minority black sheep among the refugees, you never let them in again. These black sheep are only a few in many, just like that murderous professional. Then, why do you still accept foreign professionals but not refugees? Just because refugees seem like poor and useless people, you do not let them in. Jobless and seeking for shelter, they only steal the homes and jobs from the financially weak locals. They bring no benefit. No new knowledge and expertise.

Why? These reasons are unfounded.

We should not judge people based on their appearance and social-economic status. There is more behind a person than just those face-value factors. A person’s character and morals are much more important than their face value impression. Appearances can also act as masks. Remove those masks and discover the person’s true self. Not everyone is who he or she seems to be. Imagine yourself in their situation. Helpless. Depressed. Looking for help. Kind-hearted. No ill intention. But, you keep on being rejected over and over again.

Please put yourself into their shoes, understand their plight. Please look beyond the status of a person. Accept and welcome them into your society. Give these people a home, a safe haven filled with love and warmth. Create a caring and inclusive society that is accepting of others, despite the various differences.

Let them in.
Let refugees in.
Let immigrants in.
Let people different from you in.
Let them into your society.
Create inclusive societies.
Create an inclusive Commonwealth.
Create a better world.

A Shameful letter to the children of the future

Dear children of the future,

I am sorry for what we did to our planet. To you. I am sorry you were never able to see what a real tree looked like, and never able to taste clean water. I am sorry that we were greedy, and burnt through our planet’s resources like they were infinite. I am sorry that we made the Earth a wasteland. It was never our intention to cause destruction and hurt you- we were just so distracted trying to pursue wealth

There was a sea, once. Most of the earth was covered by it. It was full of water, some parts full of salt and some parts as clear as glass. It was lush and vast, full of beautiful marine life. Plants called corals decorated the oceans- they were marvellous and colourful. There were a huge variety of animals too, but we never got to see them all before the sea dried up. Now in their place, huge trenches exist- colossal graveyards once thriving and full of life.

The only ones to blame are ourselves. So caught up with money and standards and society that we forgot the one and only thing we had since the very beginning, nature. Do you see those old structures your parents always tell you not to go close to? We called them factories. The let out huge clouds of smoke, black and grey filling the air. You must see smoke all the time. Before factories were built, we could breathe freely, without masks. The air was fresh, clean and crisp. Now every breath you take is restricting, suffocating.

There was also once a thing called seasons. In spring, trees would bloom and creatures called birds would sing. In autumn, leaves on trees would turn burgundy and orange, littering our streets. And my favourite- although I only got to experience it once or twice, was winter. Everything would turn white, covered in a sheet of snow. It would get cold, so cold, and we would play with the snow. It was made of water, could you believe it? Now the earth is too hot for that. We cut down all the trees without any regard for how long it took for them to grow back, and year by year, it got hotter and hotter.

Without the seas and the forests, animals lost their homes too. Most of them are dead by now. In our time, we had animals all around us. Each day we could eat a different variety of meat and greens. I cannot possibly imagine how difficult it must be for you to live on the occasional animal that passes by and water rations. We took it all for granted. We killed Mother Nature, in the hopes that we could satisfy our ceaseless thirst to become wealthier, and now we are left with nothing. It is almost funny, to think that causing so much damage to our surroundings eventually led us to damage ourselves.

If I could turn back time and try to stop what we did, I would. We should have taken your place. We should be the ones suffering, not you, because it was our fault. It was us who polluted the air, who caused the Earth to be a scorching, dry, desert. It was us who cut down forests and caused almost all animal populations to go extinct. I am sorry that we were blinded by our greed for and addiction to material things such as money, fashion and status. I am sorry that we thought these things were going to make us wealthy. I am sorry that we could not see the only wealth we had, and shared- our planet.

The Wealth We Have In Common

God has created this world such that everyone is born equal, treated equally and have the same amount of everything. Every single being in this world has a bank account, a virtual one. This bank account is filled with full credit from the first day of everyone’s life. This credit can be deposited anywhere, anytime. And the methods for such is simple. A smile for a day worth of credit, a helping hand for a week worth of credit and a kiss on the cheek for a lifetime worth of credit. And every time you deposit some credit to someone else’s account, you will lose some of this credit. Likewise, when you take away the credit of others, you will end up with more credit.

The Credit Cycle. It is a cycle that revolves around every living thing on earth. When one gives away credit, it is deposited in someone else’s account. This someone else would then give away and deposit it into someone else’s account. This cycle will continue until it reaches the original person again and forms a complete credit cycle. However, in today’s world, this cycle remains a dream, a positive, ideal view but not a realistic one. Why? Over the years, things have changed. What used to be equal becomes more “equal”. People pursue their own goals and keeps the credits to themselves without depositing in anyone else’s account. The cycle stops. It is as though the world had stopped revolving, the heart had stopped beating, the gears on the clock stopped moving. The whole system starts to collapse. More people strive to achieve more credit, more people start to lose more credit. Resulting in what some may call, the credit unbalance. When one gives away too much, this person will have lesser and lesser credit. This person then becomes poor of credit. On the other hand, someone who receives credit but does not give away any will have more and more credit. This person then becomes rich in credit. Yet, ironically, the poor enjoys every moment of giving away while the rich demands more deposit from others become more and more self-centred. And all this revolves around a word, kindness.

Kindness. This pre-schooler word has seemed to grow more and more deepened in meaning, more and more rare in the many years in life. What had seemed to be an innocent act of kindness now has different eyes, viewing from different angles. What had seemed to be an act of selfishness now seems like a way to protect oneself from the harsh world. Yes, the harsh world. The world, which had started off with the smallest, tiniest organism. Then it grew, and grew and grew. Grew from peaceful to warfare, unity to disharmony, a kind world to a harsh one. Some may view it as a natural process, some may see it as a harmful growth and some, are just preparing to gear themselves up with essential needs in the harsh world, Selfishness, Cold-heartedness, and Competitiveness.

The WellBeing of the Oshiwambo Bride who is married by a fellow Oshiwambo: The day after arriving in the Matrimonial Home : an open analysis and facts finding conducted on Facebook: Nov 2014

my post was :

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha with Tuyakula Luaanda and 15 others December 10, 2014 · Hatfield, South Africa

I have a question for all my married Oshiwambo friends. For so long I still haven’t gotten an answer. My interest is in the comfort of the Bride after the wedding. Here is the scenario. You are married and you are taken to the guys house right. So the next morning do you; wake up and join the family for tea? pretend to be sick? wake up and clean the house? wake up and go greet the adults? do you call home? what time do you even wake up? do you just wake up and go make small talks with the person who came with you? what do you really do?do you cry? do you wake uo and go to town ? do you lie that your forgot something at home and you are going to get it? is it not awkward? like you are in someone’s house (well your new house) but you don’t know anyone there apart form the person you have taken with and your husband. Remember the house is still somehow full of other people who haven’t returned home yet. I know some wake up and go to Church if the wedding day 2 falls on the Saturday but what if it falls on the Monday.I really think its awkward! Marjory awkward i think.

The Comments were

• Ndina HeitaGood question, I’m also really curious

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha lol look at them being all silent.

December 10, 2014 at 11:22am · Like · 4

Emily Jamie · 23 mutual friends

Very interesting but is very awkward.

Tonata Mbango-Nghifitikeko It’s really not that awkward, like for me woke up greet the elders and we went to sit under a tree ( some friends were still around) and continued drinking. We later went to drop people in Onda gwa…etc

Ananias Tamatisous OHAVAKALA VAFA VAKANA.. KASHIWA KAYA…

Serricky Dhiginina Shipatuleni 🙈🙊 it’s awkward either way. But it should come natural…. I woke up, joined my 2 maids that came with me and we continued to tell jokes and eat meat.

Bubbels Udjombala Lol, you wake up early & plot your escape.

Emily Jamie · 23 mutual friends

TonataMbango-Nghifitikeko at your house you wouldn’t sit under a tree. You will either wake up, make breakfast, clean and start preparing lunch. You are not even suppose to go out dropping people off so soon but us 21st century.

Emily Jamie · 23 mutual friends

Bubbels Udjombala I am with you escape and pretend to be writing exams

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha I am just thinking how some families will react. they will, be monitoring the bride so much that they might draw conclusions on what she does the first day. if you go drink and laugh will they not think “Megameno etweelela Ongholwe, yo mbela ondjanga tayiyolagana”?

Tonata Mbango-Nghifitikeko Lol, Emily make breakfast at some else’s kitchen? Breakfast is made for you.

Joseph N Erastus Mee Hilya Kambonde will explain to me more

Serricky Dhiginina Shipatuleni Lol. They always have an opinion. If you quite otaati owaleela.

Homateni Kapuka ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha, Ninga lyoye manga inohombala kaume

Serricky Dhiginina Shipatuleni Some ohaapenduka taya katsa!

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha yeah you dont have a kitchen yet so do you just got to Your Mother inlaw’s masiga and start cooking? in whose pots? whose food? did you bring pots and food?

Ivy Shikongo Was I tagged so I take down notes?

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Serricky Dhiginina Shipatuleni who will give you iilya yokukatsa?

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha lol Ivy Shikongo yes.

Serricky Dhiginina Shipatuleni Mother in law will give you iilya.

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha guys is it not a bad picture to those who are still there if my mother makes my new wife go pound mahangu? coz rememebr th house is still packed with people.

Ndeyapo Haihambo Wokeup, go greet the elders, chat with the kalyeehango and go back to my room,

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Terthu Kutupu Ngodji ShuumbwaVickey Nashandi-Shipanga Emily Shiweva Jacobs help me out.

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Ndeyapo Haihambo so they will give you food right? is thats so then thats a good plan i think. just the question of do you go the Elders room / area to go greet them? do you ask someone to take you there?

Lineetsouba Chance Keeng That happened to me, we came from Nam to Bots, and the house was still packed. In the morning. But if they are good people, they will make sure u r comfortable and not want u to start with being the makoti, there will b plenty of time for that. So I wo…See More

Taimi Chazmelh Negumbo I am not married YET, but this is what I think,,,I am sure people from your husbands house aren’t complete strangers to you, these are people you met long ago and most of them you’re close to from the dating period. Only the elders maybe. But it’s obvi…See More

Ndeyapo Haihambo Yes they do prepare everything for me….my hubby arrange with one of his shinghumbi and he have togo with me to the elders

Lineetsouba Chance Keeng That happened to me, we came from Nam to Bots, and the house was still packed. In the morning. But if they are good people, they will make sure u r comfortable and not want u to start with being the makoti, there will b plenty of time for that. So I wo…See More

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Taimi VoteSwapo Negumbo thats correct but are these people not busy wrapping things up for them to seat and talk with you all day. and you are tired. you have been standing in your shokolas for two days straight. you cant work too much because your nails are not orignal blah blah. Maria Nghifindaka

Taimi Chazmelh Negumbo Owaala oku pitako ano Kamwaina. You know what ne??? Omikalo like your friend said, is what matters the most. Don’t leave your manners at you original home, take them with and everything will fall back in place. All that matters is how you’re going to address aakulunhu opuwo, the rest will be taken care of. Ngae, I will enjoy my few princess days my friend. Such moments only come once in a lifetime.

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Good so me as the husband must make sure that you are taken care of, yes but does that take away the awkwardness? the people will look at you. every move. the way you eat, the way you talk and all that. I think at some point you will fell out of place.

Lineetsouba Chance Keeng If someone has the time to watch how u eat. O halyo vanhu. For sure. They shudnt forget, some of them left their breaking marriages at home. And want to come watch u like a hawk. We all tryna survive waa

Jehency Eduardo Tauya mmm..interesting!

Liina Kalili The husband makes sure you don’t feel left out. He introduces you to family members around the house. You always find someone in the house who will make things easier for you. That person will break the ice by starting to chat to you about general issues and makes you feel welcome at your new home

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Taimi VoteSwapo Negumbo you better become best buddies before inadipitako shaashi i cant stand a Bride crying cos she misses or cos she was mistreated by my people. One bride told me vati the next day when she was walking to the main seating room, the Grooms sister who is not married Okemutsiima that Nigeriuan thing “Msssiouuo” a long one nogals.

Kamai Namandje Lol wuukale wa ndjanga anuwa okakulukadhi ke oka pwayaya meme..esiku ala lyotango ndee egumbo oteli mana ko nale. Wukale wa mwena eima olya mbatha ngiini

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha just to continue, after the Mxiious business in her face she had no one to turn to. she couldn’t tell the husband coz she feared that drama might erupt and she felt the sister-in-law would deny and then she will be left to look like a Niingo ya Naanda.

Lucy Kautwima Lol this is interesting yet scary…

Taimi Chazmelh Negumbo All that I know is, Ivy Shikongo is in good hands. Also, there won’t be awkward moments but she must be ready to go pound Mahangu the next day. Katu hole uusila woke china Se. Nakale echichi naa. Ok BYE

Trust Rodriguez How do I save this status and its comments for future references again?

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Lol Trust Rodriguez copy it on the email.

Trust Rodriguez Will do so…

Kallah Peya Hamwele Eish am thinking abt it now en it gets more akward by the thot, meem. ViaFreaking out brides to be,, sjoe kashipu kaa

Kandali Nalimanguluke Panduleni U wake up shower an just b in ur husbands room someone will come call you wuye poshoto wukakundwe an u meet all the elders thy will introduce thmselves an say wat tht r to your guy! Tht day u dnt cook thy bring you all the meals! An just avoid too much talking an laughing cos poshoto those elders will b making jokes

Meke Emvula · 6 mutual friends

interesting comments..tradition will not die out unless you go the European way to be saved by all the dramas.

Liina Kalili And avoid talking too much and “pwalakata ” too much, just chill. It is not awkward at all. Remember, You are the most important lady in the house at that point, just enjoy it.

Liz Nampa Osho ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Well it all depends on the relationship you have with them. Awkwardness will only occur if u feel misplaced. It’s the best feeling one could actually have …A sort of one love, one family warm feeling. You wake up, gre…See More

Hertha M. Amakali lol, ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha topula tuu omapulo ogendji. My sister’s inlaw woke up yazala eehema dheentulo, greeted everyone they came across (most of the uncles & aunties like introducing themselves & how they are related to the groom). I had…See More

Hertha Itembu · Friends with Rachel Kalipi and 29 others

Just chill, be polite n smile. U r the princess on that day. People will come where u r, n your groom will lead u on what to do n where to go n so on…. but it can be awkward.

EvEsq Thomas Well, it can get really awkward … I’m sure your elders will brief you what to do, but just so you fully covered get your fiancée to enquire from his parents, aunties, uncles, married siblings and inlaws what is expected of the bride the morning after so he can fill you in on his family’s expectations..

Tomas Nalukaku Ndatitangi i’ll pretend to be sick!!!haaa**anyway,to those who are sayng,u wl greet the eldas and go bek 2 th room,mweshi dhanena nee. .our elders dnt like it wen othas are mingling outside,and u,u r inside.wa dimbwa nee naini:aantu ihaya gondjo meenduda. .jst si…See More

Eunike Tauya-Shatilwe The first day is fine cos there are a lot of people in the house. The following days will be abit awkward as u r only a few in the house

Visto Shithigona · 232 mutual friends

Eish!!!!

Sk Iipinge 1st Moshiwambo Aantu ihaya hokanwa iinayatseyika. So obviously the bride will be familiar with her inlaws. 2nd there is always one bridesmaid from the husband side assigned to the bride for protocol wise..
3rd traditionally You don’t cook inofala olushuno kandjeni… I mean who does that.?

Ndeshi Josef Im taking note:)

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Sk Iipinge the first point I tend to disagree Okutseyika doesn’t not mean you will go make friends. So you will know people but vaguely and that doesn’t guarantee any friendship. The rest of the points I agree in totality. U don’t go cook pomasiga gaanhu. Owatumwa. ? Lol

Isaac Adeleke Interesting now I know what to expect when I marry her

Kandali Nalimanguluke Panduleni Ur status is very educational we need to b updating such! Am loving every comment

Kandali Nalimanguluke Panduleni Oshadependa noho kuuteku waamuweya no wahuuwaza!

Liina Kalili Sk Iipinge, There are always those in laws that were not present at etseyiko. Even if they were present, they will still introduce themselves and ask you ” do you remember me from that day?” the introduction after the wedding is always there whether you were introduced before or not. You have to meet people and being introduced to them how they are related to your husband and so on…..

Selma Kauna-Pawa Ekandjo · 98 mutual friends

Interesting nani i don’t know much about my tradition.

Kamai Namandje Maar nog sum inlaws ihaya yola yola…U will sit there trying to mingle with them ngwee wetepo ngaa uustori ndee aantu noku smile oko ngaa itaaya kambadhala.. I swear there re bad in-laws out there especialy shampa haangwe yali yahala wa hokanwa by their son.. Really depends on the relationship u ve with them.

Nduuvu Vicky · 6 mutual friends

It depends on family, I was woken up by one grown family lady put there to attend to me when I arrive at the (my husband’s parent’s) home. when I woke up hot water was already prepared for me to bath.Right after the whole family gathers in a tent depen…See More

Ananias Tamatisous But that’s becos the guy is never around, busy socializing everywhere’ manga okaana kovanu taka judgingwa keumbo alishe” make things easy for the new bride… U soo used to her to a point u think sh can cope with fam members sh hardly knw.. Stay by her side”

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Nduuvu Vicky Thankx for sharing. It seems you didn’t have much of an awkward moment. Ananias Tamatisouswe can’t really blame the guy. He needs to socialize, send off some visitors, get his gifts (cattle etc) sort out everything he organized for the wedding and u can’t equally expect the lady to keep following the guy as he finalises his post wedding duties.

Nduuvu Vicky · 6 mutual friends

Not at all until today, it is like am in my original home where I grew up with other siblings.

Liina Kalili ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha now that you have tagged us in this post and we have given you all our experience, now I want to know, Are you giving us a hint? Twa nika ngaa kulya omasipa nani!!!!!

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Hahaha Liina Kalili very soon.

Liina Kalili That is so cool

Fraunsch Oo · Friends with Ndapewa Hangula and 12 others

This is what you do…wake up go to te kitchen and update your Facebook status to “Just Married”. Somebody will come and see to you!

Ndeshi Conteh Lol ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha. For me the next day was really weird as I usually wake up late and laze around. But the next day was Sunday so we had to go to church with the in-laws. Mother inlaw made breakfast coz she wanted us to rest as we danced till late the previous night.lol

Kristina MrsHeita The groom must entrust one of the bridesmaids or a sister to take care of u. Like the day u get there she wil take u to some family members introducing them to u. In th morning she still has tocome for u mayb prepare a bath nd breakfst for u. In our cu…See More

Kadiva Dianna Hamutumwa ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha, although im not tagged allow me to share. When it comes to wedding festivities in the oshiwambo culture, the bride and groom are normally served. Its that one time in ur life according to me when even an elder will stand up and do something for because you are a bride. The serving continues on day three after the wedding. Because moshiwambo ilo teleke pepata la meme mweno woye and ove kuna epata natango, you will not be required to make breakfast. I am now refering to the village. You will be treated as a new addition to the family. So for instance i woke up but was not made to wake up real early however as a woman you come from home having been spoken to by your mothers in the family kutya omunhu iho pitilwa etango monduda. That will apply that day as well. So i woke up, my cousin whom i went with by that time is familiar with the younger kids in the house so they prepared my bathing water. You then bath and i went to sit outside with friends etc..because of the fact that the house is still full people will come and greet you alot. They will introduce themselves etc but i beleieve that you only end up rememebering a hand full. Then the people kepata who ever it is will prepare food for you. You dont do much really. Its only the girl you went with that does stuff which is also not alot. We were served good and we ate with the bridal party that was there. But its also very much about the kind of people your husbands family is like, more so your mom in law. The cooking for the whole house happens eshi wapewa omafiya. It can be on the second day. Awkward, not so much just that yes you are not as free as you would have been had you been at home.

Ndeshi Conteh True, I am not married to an Oshiwambo speaking man but he is an African. I was really pampered and served for the next 6 months. I ven gained weight coz I did almost nothing!

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Kadiva Dianna Hamutumwa my sincere apology. Dnt know how I missed you. You had some shighumbis there so that made it easier for you. I believe that If it was you, the groom and that one cousin then it would have been different kashona.

Kadiva Dianna Hamutumwa ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha No worries love. The shinghumbis that were there were my husbands friends but i agree with u that they also tried to make my day as wonderful as possible. I think it is important to have a few people that you know in your husbands family. Your mom in law is however key . For some they also spend the day eating and cutting the wedding cake.

Queeny Nghelo Namundyebo This is very interesting and educational. Hands up ladies for the information and ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha allow me to store this somewhere for future references. Kikikili

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Go ahead Queeny. I always wondered how that first day is. I have a clear picture now.

Queeny Nghelo Namundyebo We had a mbwiti in law who lazied around and slept as she wished though. The elders okwali nee va telekelwaa coz they had something to talk about.

ThadInpro Megameno LyaTshigwedha Lol hahaha But I think the guy should inform his family kutya ” omkadhona gwandje ombwiti nee yakwetu, otavulu wala kuteleka mAra mepya itayimo” I’m sure they will accept. Don’t think they should expect her to do the Wambo work.

But one issue with Mbwitis is that they are too free, loud and can’t communicate well with adults.

A nightmare will be a Mbwiti who mixes English, Afrikaans and a bit of that “R” in Oshiwambo.
She will wake up, great people ” ongini, owararapo momy? Ondagara o roibos, uunona otawu prepare Dan.”

She go take her tea and start complaining that there is no cheese. That will be a nightmare and in that case one needs to cuff her bride and keep the parents away.

Alina Nam’tenya · 68 mutual friends

Actually, (well according to my aunts/mom), you must wake up very early and freshen up, dress one of the traditional dresses and wait for someone from the house to come call you so you’re formally introduced to those that are still in the house. From that formality, you either pretend to be busy opening gifts or cut cake. You can be yourself but don’t be too pwayaya…

Kashiwanwa Neshila The lady that brings the kofa remains your closest companion

Tangeni Varry · 5 mutual friends

Wake up at 5h30,nock at every bedroom and say”are you nt yet up pple of ths house? ‘omwa lasa nai man ,omufuko ndapenduka nale nale nde nye omwa kofa shaishe man” lol

Ndeyapo Haihambo Oi. Tangeni Varry

MEE EBBA YASHUUWA THE NDONGA WOMAN

He who mingles with villagers regardless of their status in that society becomes the most favorite of them and gains some benefits that can’t be quantified.  These benefits includes the great stories our people tell, the jokes, the lessons and of course the respect and love.  As a villager, I visit the Cuca Shops when I am home in December. Of course they sell not-so-cold beer and the traditional brew which resorts to a nigga having to drink that beer just slowly so as to ensure that you only take one beer cumulatively. This is for obvious reasons. Diarrhea!

On this particular day I went to the Cuca Shops, people came to greet me and I was buying them the traditional brew and some beers. They told me about how they missed me, and updated me on who died, who married, who divorced, which cattle post is well taken care of, and all the typical village stories. I was stationed at Mee Ebba’s Cuca shop. It was the most modern one. Made with bricks, painted and had a gas refrigerator that didn’t cool the beers quick.

Some villagers came and sat with me at this shop. It was a great day. The villagers know that I am a Social Worker and Mee Ebba in particular saw a Social Worker a few months ago so she had a story to tell me.  My apologies because this story is better told in Oshiwambo. But before I tell you the story, I feel the pressing need to introduce you to Mee Ebba. Mee Ebba is a young (+-36 years old) village meme who teaches kindergarten and owns a Cuca Shop in our village. She is almost fat. She is definitely not thin her t-shirt size should be an extra-large. Her husband works in the hospital as a driver. Mee Ebba is from Ondonga and married in Uukwaluudhi. Her husband is the last born of his family and as customary, he was to remain in his father’s house even though married (this is now an option and not religiously followed anymore).  Mee Ebba and her husband lived with this old man – Mee Ebba’s father-in-Law.

Wednesday 24 April 2013, its school holiday for the Kindergarten and Mee Ebba closed off the first semester. Her Kindergarten usually closes a week before the normal school holidays. Mee Ebba is at home preparing some traditional beer for a wedding in the village that will be on Friday. She is one of those who could brew it well. I mean she has a Cuca shop so brewing is her thing. She was also cooking for the father in law and the kids who were at school.

By this time the animal (goats and cattle) were still in the kral usually the father in law would go herd the animal but he assumed that Mee Ebba would do it because she is at home for she closed the kindergarten for the semester. Unfortunately, the father in law did not communicate this to Mee Ebba and as such Mee Ebba lived under the assumption that the father in law would take care of the animals as per usual.

Like you might have guessed, the father in law was busy turning up at the local Cuca shops. The Cuca Shops in my village were not to open until 12h00 but there were always those disobedient ones that would break the law. The reason for the delayed opening time is because the headman want people to work in their Mahangu fields before they go turn up.

So here comes the father in law, stumbling on the overlaying roots of the water melons and the overarching Mahangu that is leaning towards the small pathway leading to the house. He noticed the animals are still in the Krall moeeeing and meewing because of hunger probably.  He was confident that his walking stick would be put to good use. He goes in the house and question Mee Ebba why she did not go herd the animals. – Here is where the Oshiwambo kicks in.

Shike? Ongame omulithi gwiimuna ngashiingeyi? Mee Ebba Asked. The father in law did not think twice. He lifted his walking stick and painfully placed it on Mee Ebba’s back “Duk”. Little did he know that drama was about to unfold and that his Testosterone hormones were about to disown him. Mee Ebba snatched the walking stick from the old mans’ hands. She started thrashing it on the old man. The old man screamed and ran but Mee Ebba was too pissed off to let go. The old man wet his pants. Mee Ebba’s story is that this man is not her husband nor his father. Additionally Mee Ebba’s father and husband never hit her. So why should she allow her father in law to hit her? It was not gona fly with her.

In her own words. Ondati oongombe dhono odhili kolutu getu. Natate avalandje inaa gumandje, ndele otedhengwa kokakulupe hano? Okalunduka ngiini. Nomusamane gwandje oye wo tuu inaa dhengandje ndele otate mweno. Ngaye ondati itedhengwa ngaye Ebba lyaShuuwa. NokOlukonda oyeshiindje. Okuza wala sho ndali om’kadhona mondjila yosikola aantu oyakala nokutilandje. Aamati oyali nokuli ha ya tila okuholandje. Nge ya holondje ohandiya dhenge. Ngele entu olisindenje nena ohandi li kokota. Handa pewa omayengo oshali ku nampongo?  Okasamane omo ndeka thigi megumbo moka taka kugagana kafa omunkiintu eli kokanyothi”.

So Mee Ebba narrated her story. She continued to say the Husband who was/is a driver at the hospital, knows the Social Worker there and asked for her intervention. This was in his efforts to manage the conflict. The Social Worker then did some group therapy and restored peace in the household.

In my village when husbands are misbehaving, their wives would threaten then with Mee Ebba “Andi  kekwiithanene Ebba yaTshuuwa”. And the father in law does not have sufficient perceived social power any more for the reasons that he was beaten up by a woman.

DISCLAIMER:Ignore the typos and grammar mistakes if any. Pictures all sourced from Google.

THEN I PULLED “THE RICH MAN AND LAZARUS”

NB: I tried to split this story into two parts but I failed. Just read wan.

Well like I said… I grew up as the only child at home and this meant I had to be sent around and I was equally the ears and eyes of my aunt.  This was necessary because like I said, a good number of villagers were envious towards us. (I mean, a young teacher, driving, a Deputy Principal, married in church, with a rich family that visits often, holidays with her family in WHK, respected in church, humble, beautiful – actually very-very beautiful hey and so on) so this made some village Memes who were not as privileged in their lives a bit envious and now and then we would hear stories about how they were gossiping about us and blah blah. Yes, Shebeen Queens and their drama.

This situation made me very attentive to how the villagers treated me. If for example I greet them and they respond in low tones, then I would take a satanic vow not to greet them ever again. If they meet me (I took goats for drinking so I would meet a lot of and send their greetings to my aunt, they become my favorite people.

As can be seen here, I valued people who valued me. Little did i know my aunt would be my least favorite person? Parent-Child Love-Hate relationship. But this was more than that. My aunt made me confused and hurt.  I will tell you how the story unfolded.

On this particular day, My aunt asked this other lady who lives in our village a mere 1.8KM from out homestead. For interest sake let’s call her Mee Naluteni. Mee Naluteni came to help my aunt with some household chores if I recall well it was with pounding the beans in order to peel them out of their covers so that they become seeds. (okushwa omakunde). Our Mahangu field was pretty new so we had the advantage of harvesting a lot of beans (Makundes). That and also the fact that I was responsible for the Makunde planting (okukuna) and as such – like all kids- I placed more than two Makunde seeds in one hole and shortening my the distances between my steps so that we have a lot of Makundes.

Back to the story, so yes Mee Naluteni, our House Help and my aunt worked diligently and happily as they pond and separate the Makunde from their peels. They exchanged so many stories, laughed and made plans together. I was there playing on my own, being sent around, and eavesdropping on their stories. It was a happy day.

Upon the finalization of their task, my aunt gave Mee Naluteni some cash I believe it was around N$80.00 which – during those years- could equate to N$200.00 value as measured to today’s economic dynamics.

Mee Naluteni left happily to her house and after a while I saw her passing by my “street”, eish I realy don’t know what its called in English but in Oshiwambo its called Puuwanda/ Polwaanda/Pepaandadanda / Poshitawuwa – basically the sandy road between our Mahangu field fence and that out our neighbors.   In My mind Mee Naluteni was going to drink some Tombo and probably buy some for her friends because she got “Paid”.

Back in the house, my aunt also gave some of her clothes i.e 2 dresses and 1 skirt to the house help to wash. The house help washed them and hanged them to dry. The next day my aunt packed them and told me to take them to Mee Naluteni. Mhh She got N$200.00 and now clothes? My aunt is generous hey. I took my wire car – it was a Nissan V6- in my mind and drove it to Mee Naluteni to handover her parcel that was wrapped in a Fysal Fresh Pr oduce plastic bag. I was not to know what was in, but come on I saw.

I delivered the parcel to Mee Naluteni. She gave me Oshikundu (traditional drink made of sorghum and Mahangu). Usually I would refuse but on this day I saw Mee Naluteni mixing some sugar in Oshikundu. I accepted.  “She got N$200.00 so maybe she went to Tsandi and bought some sugar…” so I though in my lil mind. I gulped it and said my good byes. She told me that is should go tell my aunt she is delightedly thankful and that the Lord should bless her. “Lombwela Meme toti ondapandula, Opo ghaa nakale mho. Kalunga nagwedhe mha pwaza” I nodded in aggrement. Mee Naluteni further instructed one of her Sons who is my age mate to escort me. “Iileka, Thindikila Megameno”.

Iileka took his wire car and escorted me. His wire car was better than mine. That’s because he had a bigger brother who would fix his car when it was broken. Me on the other hand I had to wait for my Brother or cousins from Tsandi to come visit so that they can fix my car if not the Angolan man at our cattle post or bribe my aunt to pay one of the boys in the village to fix it. Ileka and I walked, played, spoke and teased people that we met on our way. Among the things we spoke up were the girl named Meke who was the most beautiful girl at our school, how fast my Aunt’s car was as opposed to that of Tate Iipinge our neighbor inter alia. Illeka escorted me until I was almost home then he returned to their house. He was running and making sounds like a real car “Vooom, Vrooom, druuuur”. I reached home and gave my aunt her Thank you message from Mee Naluteni.

The next day I was seated on our gate and saw Mee Naluteni walking by. She was wearing one of my aunt’s dress. She passed by me without greeting. Huh, why? That was not a reasonable distance for her not to have seen me. I was touched. So I followed her. I didn’t just follow her, I composed a song in my head, real quick. Oh damn I can still recall the tune in my head. I followed her singing:

Ndji Ya Mama Ndji ya Mama

Ohema,

Ndji yamama Ndji yamama

Anditi

Ndji yamama, Ndji ya Mama

Dhulamo

Ndji Yamama Ndji Yamama

Loosely translated “ My Mother’s dress, Be reminded it belongs to my mother, remove it, it belongs to my Mother. Mee Naluteni didn’t say a word. She continued walking.

The following day Mee Naluteni told my aunt. Mhh remember in the begingi I told you “My aunt hurt me and left me confused.”? Well the story is unfolding now.

She came home almost fuming and asked me:

Her: Megameno
Me: Meme. (Shivering coz she only called that name when there was trouble)
Her: Ohela Mee Naluteni Owemu mona? ( have you seen mee Naluteni Yesterday?)
Me: Eeye and she didn’t greet me. ( thinking I would get some mercy from her)
Her: So what did you do shi akala inekukunda? ( so what did you do after she passed by without greetings?)
Me: I didn’t do anything.
Her: Megameno lyaShigwedha inidhanenange. ( Megameno Don’t play with me)
Yoh trouble. Eish should I run to Tsandi? No its far and my grandparents will beat me up too.

My aunt was fuming. I have never seen this. Wasn’t she supposed to be on my side? Mee Naluteni is the one who is wrong. I just sang to remind her that she needed to greet me. Mem guys. I was in kak.

Remember I told you my Aunt was deep Christian? Yes. She went to go get her bible and read me a story about The Rich Man and Lazarus. After the read it, she further threatened me that she will go call a Pastor to come pray for me. Oh Lord. What is this? I am only a Grade 3 child aged 8 and I made a mistake.  U can guess what happened there after. I was beaten. And in every belt whip, she asked me “owaala okuninga omuyamba na lazarus? Yee? (Do you want to pull a rich man and Lazarus, huh? I was beaten up nicely.

Up to date, I can recite those verses Luke 16:19-31 The Rich Man and Lazarus.

¹⁹ “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. ²⁰ At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores ²¹ and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

²² “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. ²³ In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. ²⁴ So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

I only made peace with my aunt after the 2oth of that month coz she bought me some shorts and the “Kentucky” from Oshakati.

End The End

Background Information….

Deep in the rural villages of Uukwaluudhi, lies a village named Uukwanampembe or otherwise those who likes teasing named it “Otindo”. I really dint know the meaning of all those names. That is the village that raised me and I stay royal to it. I will marry in the same village and if I die before I marry and relocate, they will mourn me in the same village.

A typical Household in Uukwaluudhi. Photo credits Google

This village is a mere 5KM from Tsandi and 15 KMS before Omugulu Go Mbashe “Ongulumbashe: as now known because of its political history. They started fighting inn this place. The Village has a school, a church temple “Oshinaagoga” even though we still go to Tsandi really. That’s home and that’s where the heart is. We relocated to Uukwanapembe with my aunt in honor of her Holly Matrimony. She married a Technician from this village. I am giving all this background so that you have an idea of the setting in which my life has unfolded.

At first I really didn’t like the village. I loved and still love my Aunt dearly but the fact that we had to leave my grandparents’ house which is a mere 1Km from “city” (Tsandi was a city to use back then cos that’s all we were exposed to), go far away from  church, my school, my siblings and my cousins, my friends, my favorite teachers? Really? Can’t we stay here even if you are married Aunt?

That’s how I left Tsandi (Okalonda) to join my Aunt in Otindo. I will tell you reasons why I had to join my aunt much later on. Those who attended my Sister’s 24^th Birthday party at Penduka knows the reasons as I tearfully reveled the reasons. But that’s a story for another day.

Looking after cattle was only assigned after a certain age. Ab Initio, you look after goats and sheep. C Google image

Well back to Otindo description. The village had 1 tap (canal) and next to it was the pod of clean water for animals to drink. Having grown up alone “literally”, well I was the only child at home. This meant I had to do all the household chores (herd animals, take them for drinking, collet firewood, get sent around, guard the Mahangu field, and all those traditional tasks emanating form childhood teachings and trainigs). To be honest I never felt abused, because we always had house helps – in my previous mean self I called them Maids- and that sounded bad in Oshiwambo hey. We call them, God forgive me “Omambeedinde”. Shuh! Haibo!  That was heavy to eject from my heart. It’s such demeaning word/name. Its equivalent to the Afrikaans “Kaffir” and that, I can never forgive you for saying to someone. Etse.

Well back to my setting. Even though I grew up alone, I was such a normal child. I had time to play, time to act awesome because to be honest my family was not normal for the village. My Aunt was and still is a teacher, her husband is an Engineering technician at a telecommunications company in Windhoek, My mother was equally employed, my whole aunts and uncles always thought about me and felt obligated to bring me goodies every time they came to visit my aunt and I in Otindo which is a mere 5Kms from my grandparents’ house. Did I mention that among all her siblings (8) my aunt and one of my aunts Mee Hero, were the only ones that worked I Tsandi as teacher? Yeah. So imagine the goodies I got.

Ok let me stop wasting time by hiding behind goodies. We were not poor! I had all I needed. Toys, clothes, Modern food in my lunch box, we loved/love God, we had a vehicle at our disposal, villagers loved us (some were quite envious hey). Did I just boast? Mem My Aunt would beat the shit out of me I dared to mention “my Blessings in public”, mhh such things.

Well we had a lot of people helping us out in the house. Neighbors, cousins, matrimonial side family, etc.

I intimidated other kids at school cos I was coming from the same house as a teacher, we had a vehicle, I had modern lunch box including its contents, and I had new clothes every 20^th of the month, I was smart that I didn’t read but itopped not only my class , grade and school, but the entire circuit.

You Know What? I will continue this some other day !

PS: Ignore the typos and grammatical errors if there are any hey.